New beginnings


The next stage of living with a progressive disability is hitting me hard at the moment.  I am 38 (not 88) yet I now need to use a walking stick around the house, I only go out once a week because it is so painful and I cannot play at floor level with my baby or I wouldn’t get back up again.  I have carers coming in from Thursday this week, every morning to help me in and out of the bath and evenings to help prepare the evening meal.  I have the council coming to fit a lifeline pendant system on Wednesday in case I have any more falls when at home just with the children.  My privacy and dignity are slowly being chipped away.  It is heartbreaking not to be able to play with my boys how mothers usually do.  My lifestyle is becoming more sedentary and more reclusive, I am just so glad that I have my reading and writing to escape into and pretend I am somebody else for a while.

I know there are lots of people out there who have it much worse than I do and they don’t want to hear me rant about how hard life is but unfortunately I am feeling very low and self-absorbed at the moment. Maybe I just need a kick up the backside.  I hate wallowing in self-pity.

Any ideas how I can drag myself back into reality and stop dwelling on ME?

Adele

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~ by adelesymonds on March 12, 2012.

8 Responses to “New beginnings”

  1. Your body is failing you, but your mind is as fresh as a daisy. Live your life through your pen- you could be brilliant. How about starting a support group for others with your condition? Or perhaps find one online for support. It must be hard not to think about your condition, ‘reality’ is this is you and this is your life. It must be so hard but try to focus on the positive things. You have three beautiful children, even though you can’t play with them like you would like perhaps get creative in what to do with them. Do what you can, take pleasure in the little things and Take each day as it comes. Try and focus on what you have already achieved in your life, and what you can now- like watching your children continue to grow and develop your writing career. Best wishes, Sindy.

  2. Sindy,
    Thank you very much, your comment is so positive. I usually do manag to remain positive but seem to be struggling this week. I will try not to post too many dreary snippets of my life on here, I don’t want to frighten my growing followers away with a blog that is full of doom and gloom. I will try to get some writing done this week.
    Adele x

  3. I do believe that if we can find what makes our hearts sing, the whole power of positive thought releases endorphins, which send pain into the background. While pain is a background noise, we can focus better on those things, which we cherish – like your lovely children. Yesterday you talked about how important reading is. This is a gift you can give them without playing on the floor with them – a gift you can give every day, which will last and provide joy in their lives forever. Let your body float away through your writing. You don’t have to be someone else in a different body (see your previous post). Just be you in yours for all its limitations. Creativity will flourish if you are just you….

    • Thank you so much J, you talk a lot of sense. I feel considerably better for having had an hours nap. It is so refreshing to have some feedback at my fingertips, I don’t feel quite so isolated now I know that there are people like you and Sindy who are willing to provide some welcome adult conversation in my otherwise child-centred world. It is a strange catch 22 that some of my most cathartic writing occurs when I am depressed but when I am depressed I don’t feel like writing. I must make a concerted effort to reach for my pad and pen more.
      Thanks again
      Adele x

  4. Adele, I am so sorry for your present circumstances. I have a tiny thought that might help give you a fun focus. If interested, please send me your e-mail address so we can chat further.
    tales2inspire@optimum.net

    Warm regards,
    Lois W. Stern

  5. You have a interesting point but I can’t help but wonder, what do you think about other side?

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